


Chasing Fireflies

by CandidCanine



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, I hope you like your porn with a heaping helping of Feelings, Just 2D and Murdoc being dense idiots, Lots and lots of misunderstandings, Lots of Angst, M/M, Post Phase Five, Really Sappy Sex Scenes, Reconciliation, Reunion Fic, alternating pov, man these tags are a mess, murdoc redemption arc, pleaseee just frickking kiss and make up you two, the now now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-11-27 10:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18193097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandidCanine/pseuds/CandidCanine
Summary: It's never easy for Murdoc or 2D to define their relationship. It was just easier to shut up, pretend there wasn't anything going on between them, and just release all of their feelings through their music. It's always been enough.Not this time.





	1. Murdoc

The lightbulb in the living room really needs to be replaced. Murdoc can hardly see a thing under the dim light of the single nearly-burnt bulb hanging from the ceiling. Every time he needed to go down to the living room at night, he had to resort to using his phone's flashlight like he was an explorer potholing a bottomless abyss.

Though, Murdoc supposes he should feel some type of gratitude in this exact moment considering who he was with right now. Not being able to see much has done wonders for him today. At least he doesn't have to worry about the person next to him reading into the conflicted expressions on his own face.

"...now I wanted this track to have a... sort of a synth pop feel to it, something like Strobelite 'cause I loved that one from the last album. I added some cowbell to the..."

Murdoc glances at his companion. Good, he was still in the middle of an explanation about the song they were both currently listening to, completely engrossed with pointing out lyrics that he thought needed some clarification. Murdoc hasn't been paying attention to a single word. Instead, he was busy texting a certain someone an increasingly distressed series of messages, getting more and more frustrated with every reply he got. 

 _"Just hang tight. You can do it! :)"_ the latest one reads.

 _"_ _I_ _want to know why I have to do this in the first place,"_ Murdoc texts.

_"Because you both need it."_

Murdoc sighs.

"Ya gonna keep eating that?" a voice interrupts.

Murdoc blinks, lifting his gaze away from his phone to address his questioner. It's 2D, staring back at Murdoc with furrowed eyebrows. He wasn't paying attention to the song playing through their shared earphones anymore, having noticed Murdoc's lack of response to his questions. When he doesn't get a reply immediately, 2D moves to pause the song on his tablet with a look of resignation. 

"You're not even listening to me," he states with a sigh. He peels off the earbud connected to his own ear. 

"What?" Murdoc says after a full five seconds, preoccupied with tapping out a reply on his phone. 

2D clicks his tongue in annoyance, then gestures to the bag of chips that Murdoc was eating. Key word: was. Murdoc had completely forgotten about it. Currently the bag was hanging loosely in his left hand, still half-filled. It was dangerously close to slipping out of his grasp. When Murdoc repositions his hand, shards of potato chips fall out of the bag's open lip and litter the couch. 

His bandmate brushes the crumbs off the couch and into a paper towel. "I said, are you going to finish that?" 2D repeats again, as if Murdoc was slow and hard of hearing. "Or are you going to let it all spill on the floor? I bought those crisps. They were supposed to be mine. Stop wasting good food."

 Murdoc arches his brow at 2D's curt tone and passes the bag of chips. 2D takes it wordlessly and chews on a potato chip, lost in thought. Shaking his head at the flippant way 2D ignores him, Murdoc takes the chance to return his attention to his text.

 _"This little tête-à-tête you've arranged between me and faceache is completely fucking pointless,"_ Murdoc types out furiously.  _"_ _What do you want to get out of this? Can you just come back and end my misery already?!"_

Murdoc sends the message with a suppressed groan of defeat. He had been trapped in a futile argument with Noodle, demanding a reason as to why he was forced into what she had called 'quality bonding time' with 2D. But so far, no luck. There was just no convincing her to spill anything about her harebrained schemes.

All the warning he had for what was in store for him today was a strongly worded text from Russel that afternoon, telling Murdoc that they were done with him trying to avoid 2D. A cursory check of all of the rooms in the house told Murdoc that Noodle and Russel had disappeared, which meant that he was alone with  _him_.

Murdoc had tried to threaten them by saying he would leave the house too, but the answering call that he had received from Russ had chilled him so much that he didn't dare take one step out the door.

Russel could be terrifying when he needs to be.

"Earth to Murdoc," 2D says pointedly, trying to catch Murdoc's attention. He drums his fingers on his chest, radiating waves of irritation. "M'sorry, is what we're doing so much of a bore that you have to play with your phone while I'm talking to you?"

 Murdoc jolts in surprise and pockets his phone."I wasn't— I'm listening to you. That last song you played, Sorcererz? It has a good beat. I liked your vocals on that one."

"We're at Lake Zurich now. Y'mean to say you stopped listening after Sorcererz? Wow, Murdoc. Should've known better."

Murdoc quickly backtracks, shaking his head. "No, what I meant to say was—"

"—that you haven't been listening to anything I've said since we were sat here in the living room for the past hour," 2D finishes sarcastically. "That's what you mean to say. Christ. Save the excuses for someone who'll believe them, Muds. If your messages are so important, then go finish them up first. I'm gonna make a snack in the kitchen if you're just going to waste my time like this."

"What? For fuck's sake 2D, stop being so—"

"Be back when I feel like it." 2D doesn't even wait for Murdoc to protest, standing up and walking off in the direction of the kitchen. He slams the door so hard it shakes the dust off the old wooden walls of the house. Murdoc groans and sags back into his seat, partly from relief at not having to deal with 2D's irritating new confidence, and partly from frustration at managing to piss off 2D yet again.

Fuck, he thought he was being so careful. It was just landmine after landmine with 2D. How the hell was he supposed to to go about the herculean task of restoring their relationship, when every little thing triggered 2D? His bandmate's just changed too damned much for Murdoc to keep up.

Maybe having a relationship  resembling normalcy with 2D was out of reach for him.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. With one quick glance at the door, Murdoc retrieves his phone and looks at the new reply.

 

 **Noodle:**   _This is what you get for ignoring him since you got back, Murdoc. We had to do it. Your fight's messing with our band dynamic. Me and Russ needed to find a way for you two to stop being dumb and start talking again. We have a tour to prepare for and we can't work together when you're both like this._

 **Murdoc:**   _How many times do I have to tell you, we've got nothing to talk about. Me and Dents can get on perfectly well, we're not fighting. When you're here, that is. There's no need to subject me to a full, unfiltered dose of 2D's idiocy._

 **Noodle:**   _Don't lie to me, Murdoc. You and 2D are far from OK._    _You both haven't spoken a word to each other since you got back from prison! Watching you two is just so awkward!_

 **Noodle:**   _And a_ _r_ _e you SURE you don't have anything to talk about? I'd eat my guitar before I believe that :/_

 **Murdoc:**   _Sure as I'd ever be. He's known we were alone since this afternoon but he only started talking to me an hour ago. I'm surprised he hasn't left the house himself. Did you talk to him about this? Is that why he suddenly stopped pretending I didn't exist and dragged me out to listen to that blasted album of his? Did you tell him everything I told you??_

 **Noodle:**   _I_ _didn't say a thing to him. And w_ _hy'd you wait until he talked to you first?_ _Maybe he ignored you because you didn't make the first move?_

 **Murdoc:**   _Or he just doesn't want to talk to me._

 **Noodle:**   _I don't t_ _hink so, Muds. Trust me, he does want to talk to you. He's just hiding it._

 

Satan, how can this girl be so delirious? Murdoc grits his teeth while he types out his next message.

 

 **Murdoc:**   _For_   _the last time, he doesn't want to talk to me. He's just bored since I'm the only one in the house. He has no choice._

 **Murdoc:**   _I'm_   _al_ _ready on thin fucking ice here. 2D got his knickers in a twist over me texting you while he was talking about one of his songs. Says I wasn't giving him the time of the day and he stormed out of the room. I don't know when he'll be back._

 **Noodle:** _Then get off the phone and go find him, silly. Are_ _yo_ _u just going to let things stay weird between you two forever?_

 

Murdoc pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to fight back the irritation he felt from reading Noodle's reply. He had the overwhelming urge to throw his phone and jump out the nearest window. Anything to escape the inevitable awkwardness that came with having to talk to 2D. But for now, he bites back the urge, scrolls through his contacts, and presses the call button. He was starting to become impatient with Noodle's slow and carefree replies.

_"Murdoc?"_

"When are you going to end this farce, Noodle?" he says as soon as he hears her voice. He gets up and starts wandering around the room restlessly, wishing Noodle would just stop fucking with him. "D'you plan on staying out until we kiss and make up? Might as well just change addresses if that's the case."

_"No. We'll be back when you stop being such a baby and talk to him for real."_

"You could've waited until I had time to think about it. This is a delicate matter, Noods. It requires a certain subtlety that I— may I remind you— do not currently possess. 2D's teenaged mood swings are completely fucking inscrutable to me." His mind flashes back to the time he had arrived back at the Gorillaz household, when he had been fresh out of his "prison break" having narrowly escaped dying in a sewer.

2D's eyes had widened when he first set eyes on Murdoc, but he hadn't come over to greet him like Murdoc had expected. 2D didn't even punch or scream at him. Instead, he turned around and went into his room, ignoring the looks of confusion on everyone else's face. 2D continued to ignore him for days.

Until today, that is.

_"Muds, we've tried all the ways to get you to talk to 2D privately but you keep brushing us off and making excuses. You told me you've changed. You told me you were making an honest effort to toss out your bad habits and apologize for your shitty behavior. I think 2D needs that apology the most."_

Then, as if afraid that Murdoc would go back on his word, she adds:

_"You promised, Muds. Please."_

Murdoc's retort dies in his throat. Fuck. He was powerless when Noodle begged him like that. 

 "Fine. You win. I'm already talking to 2D, stop guilt tripping me. Satan, you can be stubborn when you need to."

 _"I learned from the best,"_  she quips, then thankfully changes the subject. _"Kidding aside, how're you two doing now? You mentioned that you were listening to his songs together?"_

 "Right. We were fine when we were just listening to random songs on his playlist, but then faceache suddenly gets this terrible idea to make me sit through some songs from The Now Now. He insisted that since I haven't heard the album at all, I should give it a listen so I wouldn't mess anything up if any interviewers ask me about it."

 _"That sound like what 'new' 2D would say,"_ Noodle muses.  _"So what did he say when you told him what you thought of his album? Was he surprised when you told him you've listened to all of his songs while you were in prison?"_

A pause. Murdoc stops pacing the floor, contemplating what he would say. He transfers his phone to his other ear and starts talking more quietly.

 "Haven't got to that. I haven't told him yet because I can't figure out how to bring it up. He still thinks today's the first time I'm hearing the album. I don't think he'd want to know, anyway."

He forces a laugh so unconvincing that it sounded fake to his own ears. "You should've seen the way he glossed over the lyrics of his own songs. Never knew the amount of bullshit he could pull out of his own arse. Almost laughed while he was trying to explain away Kansas." 

 _"Wait. You haven't told him?"_  Noodle sounded confused.  _"Y_ _ou never said anything to him about knowing—"_

"Err, no," he admits, interrupting Noodle. He did  _not_  want to hear what she was likely going to ask. "I haven't told him that yet."

 There's another, longer pause. One so long that Murdoc thought that Noodle had hung up. 

 _"...You two really are the biggest idiots I know,"_  Noodle finally says.  _"And you tell me you don't have anything to say to 2D. Why don't you—"_

A hand drops onto Murdoc's shoulder before he could hear the end of Noodle's sentence. Startled, Murdoc whirls around and sees the terrifying shadow of a man nearly half a head taller than him. 

"FUCK!" Murdoc yelps, almost dropping his phone. Blinking back the spots in his vision from staring at his phone screen for too long, his eyes take a second to adjust to the dim light. The dark shadow morphs into the unamused figure of 2D carrying a half-eaten sandwich on a plate. Murdoc clutches his chest and glares at 2D. "Thank Satan it's just you, anyone else and I would've been sent to the hospital for cardiac arrest. Warn me next time, will you!?"

"You've been talking to Noodle," 2D says flatly, depositing the remains of his snack on the coffee table. "You've been texting someone all afternoon and Noods and Russ were gone a long time. It's her, innit? Or Russel? Did they put you up for this?"

"Err..." Murdoc says hesitantly, flitting his gaze between his phone and 2D. He was reluctant to accept that he'd been found out. Noodle had gone completely silent on the line, perhaps sensing that their conversation had been compromised. "She might've had something to do with our... current circumstances..."

2D's expectant face turns into a look that was completely unreadable. He straightens up and scrutinizes his bandmate, looking more closed off than he did before.

"I knew it. So it was her who made you put up with me, then?" 2D asks in a neutral tone, but Murdoc could sense the underlying edge of disappointment in his voice. 2D folds his arms across his chest and faces the other direction, cutting off Murdoc's only way of reading his mood. "I had my suspicions. Well, you don't need to feel like you have to humor me or anythin'. Forget anything that Noodle said to you. I know how much you hate my album."

"I never hated it," Murdoc shoots back defensively. He switches off his phone, unwilling to let Noodle eavesdrop on the conversation. "Or at least, I don't hate it anymore. S'not completely awful. You... it was acceptable."

Murdoc was telling the truth. He had hated it, back when he had been bitter and oblivious; back when he was in jail and before he had given 2D's album a chance. It was a different story now.

He doesn't hate it. He just... doesn't know what to feel about it.

"What a nice compliment, Muds," 2D replies tiredly. He moves to pick up his tablet, switching it off and wrapping the earphone cord around it neatly. "You weren't even listening to me while I was explaining my songs to you. But 'course you don't care 'bout that, right?"

2D sighs heavily, stuffing his tablet into a bag. "Y'know what, we're done here. Thanks for pretending you wanted to hang out with me. See you in band practice tomorrow."

Murdoc didn't know why, but the thought of 2D leaving this time set off alarm bells in his head. As if something was warning him that if he didn't get off his ass and do something to prevent 2D from leaving, he would regret it for the rest of his life. Thinking fast, he leaps up and grabs 2D's wrist in a tight death grip, forcing the other to look at him straight in the eyes. 2D's yanked back so abruptly that he crashes into Murdoc's chest.

He fights back the urge to run away when 2D shoots him a withering look. Murdoc tightens his hold onto the other's wrist. "Calm your particularly agitated tits, D. Stay. Give me another chance. I know how much this means to you," he says in a placating tone. "I won't fuck around anymore, so you can sit back down and continue droning on about your little album. I won't keep checking my mobile, I swear."

2D shakes off his grip violently. "Why should I? Y'haven't done anything to deserve my trust. Ever since you got back from prison, you haven't even bothered to talk to me. It's been days. And then the first thing you do when we're left alone in the house is ignore me."

"Wait just one bloody minute. That's not right. You were the one who ignored me first, not the other way 'round. We were alone in the house for six fucking hours before you decided I was worth your time."

"'Cause I was waiting for you to say something!" 2D slaps his forehead. "I should've known you wouldn't have done anything if I didn't start it myself. I'm always the one making an effort here."

There's a tense silence as the underlying accusation in 2D's last statement sinks in. The two men stared at each other, the electrifying atmosphere fueling their emotions. Even shielded by the darkness of the living room, Murdoc could clearly picture the look on 2D's face. He's completely infuriated by the other's passive-aggressiveness.

"Will ya just shut your mouth," he snaps. "I stayed out of your way 'cause I thought you didn't want to talk t'me. Didn't want to be the first one to speak if all I'm gonna get is something like a conversation with a brick wall. Stop making asinine assumptions about my motives when you know jack shit."

"Bugger off, Muds. I know you plenty," 2D shoots back. "And me not knowing whatever goes on in that mind of yours doesn't change the fact that it was  _your_ sodding choices that ruined this whole day again."

Murdoc wanted to shake him. Why the hell was everything always his fault? "Damn it. Just because I was texting Noodle doesn't mean I haven't listened to your songs, dullard. I liked your album, alright?"

"That's complete bull. Why the fuck would you like it? I wrote those songs while you were in prison. You didn't have any input at all."

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious," Murdoc said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Why would you like it, then?"

"Why? WHY?" Murdoc asks incredulously, reaching the limits of his patience. He didn't care anymore about what 2D would think about him. Murdoc was exhausted and he just wanted to let out everything that's been on his mind for the past few weeks. Might as well get in one last bit of satisfaction. "I don't know, you tell me. How about the fact that your damn album's full of songs about our relationship?"

2D blinks.

"The... what?" 2D's mouth hangs open in surprise when he registers Murdoc's words. His whole body stiffens in shock.

"You heard me," Murdoc said in a mock-sweet tone. He moves closer to 2D, relishing the way that the other seemed to back away instinctively. "I had my suspicions when I first listened to Humility, but I thought to myself, 'no, of course faceache wouldn't have the balls to write and record songs about me'. So I moved on. Imagine the shock I got when I listened to the other ones."

"You— I was—"

"I especially loved Fire Flies, that one was real entertaining. The bridge though, some of it sounded familiar. Almost like it was paraphrased from that confession I made to you when I got shitfaced after a concert. You remember that night, Dents? Don't tell me you forgot about that already, it happened only a week before I got arrested. You even had the nerve to leave me hungover and alone the next morning."

"It— It wasn't about—" 2D denies uselessly, backing away from Murdoc.

"—But that's just a coincidence, right?" Murdoc asks, eyes glinting with mischief. For every step back that 2D took, he matched it with one step forward, until he had cornered 2D against a wall. Murdoc slaps his palm on the surface of the wall next to a terrified 2D, blocking off the only means of escape. "I'm sure none of the other songs are any indication of what you feel about me  _or_  my absence."

2D opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish, unable to refute anything Murdoc was saying. "We didn't even listen to that song, how—"

"Before you start spewing whatever inane drivel that's on your mind, shut up," he commands, staring into 2D's eyes, "and do me just one favor. Ask me which song I liked best from your album."

"W-w-why?"

"Just do it, dullard."

"Err... which... what song did you like?" 2D squeaks out, coerced by the downright frightening look on the other's face. Murdoc simply smiles and leans in close enough to invade his personal space. He brushes his lips against 2D's ear.

"Souk Eye," he whispers.

2D flinches like he was scalded by hot water and turns a bright shade of pink. He shoves Murdoc away, blubbering incoherently and avoiding his bandmate's eyes. Murdoc would've laughed at how adorable the sight of a flustered 2D was if his own heart wasn't threatening to jump out of his chest.

"I-I-I gotta go, sorry," 2D eventually stammers out, scrambling to put as much distance between himself and Murdoc. "I- I'll talk to you when Russ and Noods—"

 _Was this moron trying to leave? Fuck no._ Murdoc makes a move to grab his wrist again, but 2D simply dances away from Murdoc's reach. As soon as 2D tries to escape to the door, Murdoc lurches forward, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and bringing them both crashing to the ground. The impact of their collision knocks the wind out of Murdoc.

"Owww! What the fuck, Muds?" 2D cries out. He was crushed under Murdoc's full weight, his limbs splayed out in painful angles. Murdoc allows 2D to sit up, only to then pin him back onto the floor by his wrists when he attempts to pull away again.

"Stop running away, you berk. Didn't you want this to happen? You're making me listen to your bloody music. How did you expect me to react to those songs? Don't tell me you assumed I had as many brain cells as you and thought I wouldn't find out."

"I... I just thought that..." There was a long silence as 2D collected his thoughts. He turns his head away from Murdoc and bites his lip. "I just never thought you'd listen to my songs before I got a chance to show them to you. I was... I was thinkin' a long time 'bout the things I'd say to you.  I was gonna lie about who it was for. Be all casual and whatnot. I... I thought you'd never figure it out since we had a huge fight before we separated."

Murdoc huffs in annoyance, but he loosens his grip on 2D minutely. "If you haven't made it so obvious that even our fans started to notice, there might've been a miniscule chance of me believing you. But you didn't do that. Got a little carried away, Dents?"

2D's eyes stray to the door. "Couldn't help it," he says quietly. "With you gone, I was alone with a lot of pent-up emotions that I had to deal with all of a sudden. They were always there, I suppose, but it just got worse when you were sent to prison. My mind was too loud. Makin' my songs helped me feel more sane and sort out everythin' I was feeling. Kind o' like it was my own personal therapy.

"So I started writing the album," he continues. "And it got me thinking. At first, I was just so cross with you. That's all I felt. You were gone for months and I had all the time in the world to think about everything you've done with me.  _To_ me. I'm always getting hurt because of you, and you never act like you cared 'bout it. I never heard a genuine apology from you. Not even once. Well you do apologize, but you never mean it. I've still got... nightmares... from what you've done..."

Murdoc's grip slackens with each new revelation but 2D hardly notices. There's a distant look in 2D's eyes that makes him wonder what memories were playing out in his bandmate's head. They seemed to pull 2D to an unsavory place.

Murdoc's mind immediately reminds him of Plastic Beach.

"...I wrote The Now Now like it was a way for me to get my revenge on you for mistreating me for so long. An' it made me feel real good at first, but then it just made me feel... empty. And I kept writing and writing just to make that empty feeling go away but it never did. It just made me realize something."

Murdoc was almost too afraid to ask. He lets go of 2D's wrists and brings his face closer to the other's. "What was it? What d'ya realize?"

2D's eyes looked watery under the dim yellow light of the living room. "I missed ya, Murdoc. I really did."

For a single moment, Murdoc's world seemed to screech to a halt. 2D's glassy black orbs meet Murdoc's mismatched ones in a gaze so deep that it felt like they were staring straight into the other's very soul. Murdoc reaches out and touches 2D's cheek with a single digit.

In Murdoc's experience, no relationship ever lasts forever. It was always so fucking easy to destroy them. Even something like distance and time could turn a best friend into a complete stranger. So when he was hauled off to prison and forced to watch 2D and his bandmates have a life without him, it terrified him. He knew he was being forgotten, replaced, thrown away like rubbish found on the side of the street.

Who has the time to keep track of a friend you might never see again? What idiot would spare a thought for the fuckup of a friend who's landed himself in jail for the nth time in a row? And what's your chances of winning back a friend when your friendship was a strained one that had endured many years of tears, disappointment, abuse, and regrets?

_Even one that had the potential to be so much more._

"I... I missed you too," Murdoc whispers, leaning in close enough that his nose brushed against 2D's. "I couldn't stand knowing you were better off without me. When I first listened to your album, I was surprised. Then I was... elated. I was happy you didn't forget about me, 2D."

There was another silence as 2D absorbed his words. Murdoc could pinpoint the exact moment when everything clicked in the other's head. 2D wraps his arms around Murdoc's neck shyly and pulls him in for a tentative kiss.

Murdoc's reaction was immediate. He braces himself over 2D and deepens the kiss, sticking his skilled, serpentine tongue past 2D's lips as soon as the other had opened his mouth to breathe. Murdoc starts exploring 2D's mouth with fervor, taking his time to taste the other man. He smiles when 2D sucks on his tongue greedily.

There were no other sounds in the living room except for the wet smacking of their lips and their labored breathing. 2D's hands travel to Murdoc's soft strands of black hair and pulls at them hard enough to earn a groan of pained pleasure from the other man. In reply, Murdoc grinds down hard on 2D's crotch, chuckling at the indignant mewl 2D makes. He shoves his hands under 2D's shirt, roaming them over the other's bare flesh.

Murdoc didn't know how much time they spent on the living room floor, snogging the daylights out of each other. All he knew was that after some time, 2D's hands drop from his hair and move to his chest as if he was deciding on whether to push Murdoc away or pull him closer. 2D's kisses become slower and more languid, until he had stopped responding to Murdoc's touches altogether.

"Wait," 2D gasps, but his voice sounded distant compared to the blood pounding in Murdoc's ears. He continues to kiss 2D over and over, completely addicted to his scent and taste.

 "I— No. No. Murdoc, stop it, please," 2D pleads again. He sits up, pushing the other man off him with little force. His whole body was shaking and he wore a panicked look in his eyes that made Murdoc stop short.

"I can't. I can't do this now. I— I need time to think." 2D dashes out of the door without another word, leaving Murdoc to stew in the darkness of the living room alone.

This time, Murdoc doesn't even try to stop him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is dedicated to my friend [@dreaming-powder](https://dreaming-powder.tumblr.com), who requested a 2doc reunion story with a dash of angst and nsfw. Thank you for being so patient, and I hope you like this fic <3
> 
> As always, you can find me gushing about 2doc at [@2dorkandmrpickles](https://2dorkandmrpickles.tumblr.com) on tumblr! Feel free to talk to me about anything Gorillaz related!


	2. Stuart

There were three things that 2D might do in the event that he was presented with a situation he couldn't deal with.

The first was to deflect _,_ the second was to ignore _,_ and the third was to flee _._

Whether it's to shield himself from a particularly intrusive question or a statement that hit just a little too close to home, it's always these three tactics that he fell back on. Whether it was cracking a joke, feigning ignorance or outright leaving a conversation, it was all so easy to do when most people dismissed his actions as quirks of his "simple-mindedness."

Rarely was his first instinct to confront things head on. 

Which begged the question: Was _this_  the reason why he had frozen up and run away after he had decided to be impulsive and snog Murdoc?

The thought almost made him want to tear his hair out. One foolish decision made in the heat of the moment, followed by another equally foolish decision made at the heights of his panic.

_Way to go making an even bigger mess out of a dysfunctional relationship._

Maybe he's not brainless, just spineless. All those years of avoiding uncomfortable situations had made him unable to face one when he's finally forced to. It's just coming back to bite him in the ass.

2D's been beating himself up since "the incident" that occurred yesterday, but hasn't mustered up the courage to do anything else. He had just locked himself in his room and stopped responding to the outside world. Even when a certain  _someone_ had knocked softly and waited outside his door, even when the voices of Noodle and Russel resounded throughout the house hours later, and even when so much time had passed that night fell and he was surely the only living being awake, he had refused to come out of his room. Because he  _knew_ it meant having to face everything that happened yesterday.

Needless to say, he didn't get a good night's sleep. At all.

If it was up to him, he'd have holed himself up in his room and stayed there until he didn't have to face the prospect of talking to Murdoc. But the low rumble of his stomach reminded 2D that he didn't have the luxury of waiting around for an eternity. Against his own instincts to crawl back in bed and languish from starvation, he gets up and reluctantly trudges down to the kitchen. It was way too early in the morning anyways, maybe there wouldn't be anyone downstairs while he raids the cabinets. He's only taken a few steps out of the kitchen when it's made clear that there was at least one other person awake.

"Yo, D. You're up early." 

2D silently curses his luck, forcing a smile on his face as Russel greets him with a wave from the stairs.

"Didn't think I'd see you down here. Wanna wait downstairs for the other two to get up from bed? Might kick back in the living room for a bit, could use the company," he continues, giving an expectant look and gesturing to the load of snacks that 2D had in his arms.

"Uh..." While 2D's both relieved and disappointed (???) that the person he ran into wasn't the one he was avoiding, he couldn't help but want to get as far away from Russ as possible. His fight or flight instincts were screaming at him to run away from any possibilities of being forced to acknowledge yesterday, and Russel was for sure going to ask. But before he could arrive at a conclusion, Russel turns around and enters the living room as if 2D had already agreed to follow him. Boxed into a corner, 2D follows after him unwillingly.

It wasn't until he bumps against the sofa that he realizes that the room was completely dark, save for what scant sunlight streamed in through the windows. He feels for the switch and tries to illuminate the room, but fails to even light it up for a few seconds before the bulb fizzles out.

"Russ, what happened to the lights?"

"It's burnt. Been like that since yesterday night." Russ brightens the dark room just a bit by turning on the flashlight of his mobile. "Think we need to replace the bulb."

"We should stop by the hardware store," 2D suggests, fumbling for the coffee table and setting his food down. He fiddles with a can of orange juice in his hand. He watches Russel settle back in the sofa, making no move to join him.

There's a pregnant silence that falls after 2D's response, lingering for far too long not to be unintentional. The look that Russ was wearing made it abundantly clear that he hadn't invited 2D to the living room to make small talk. He could already sense the avalanche of queries that Russel was planning to unload on him.

"So, Russ... I didn't think you'd be up early. You... did you, err, change up your routine?" 2D asks, desperate to pre-emptively divert the subject to something more neutral and safe.

Russel raises an eyebrow. "I'm always awake at this time of the morning. Maybe if you didn't sleep in all the time, you would know."

Well, I..." 2D trails off, taking a sip of his drink. He declines to comment on the fact that he hadn't slept since last night and the only reason he was out was because he'd been trying to avoid everyone else. "Y'know what, you have a point. Maybe I should start waking up earlier."  _M_ _uch earlier_.

"In fact, I should be asking _you_ that," Russel continues. "You're never up at seven. Something happen yesterday that made you 'change up your morning routine'?"

2D chokes on his drink. "N-nothing! W-w-what made you ask that, Russ? It's not a big deal if I'm up right now. I jus' wanted some fresh air..."

"D, I'm just throwing your question back 'atcha." Russ' tone was wry. "Me and Noodle left you alone with Murdoc yesterday. I just wanna know if Muds tried anything funny while we were gone. I'll go and give him a piece of my mind if he—"

"No, he didn't do anythin'. Y'don't need to talk to 'im. Why? Did he say something to you yesterday?"

"Well, that's why I'm asking you. I haven't heard a peep from him since he locked himself in his room too. Neither of you came down for dinner yesterday. I'm just wondering if Muds somehow fucked it up again with you."

2D's brow furrows and he opens his mouth, ready to ask what "it" was, when he remembered that Murdoc had been talking to Noodle behind his back. Were Russel and Noodle the ones who forced Muds to play nice with him? Was that why Murdoc didn't put up much of a fight when 2D had insisted they hung out together? Would he had even put up with 2D in the first place if it hadn't been for them?

2D's stomach churns at the prospect.

"Speak of the devil." Russ says, interrupting 2D's unpleasant train of thought. He turns to greet the new arrival, whose presence was outed when he inadvertently casted a shadow over Russ. 2D wouldn't have even noticed him had Russel not addressed him. "Muds! You and 2D're awake pretty early for night owls."

Cuaght by surprise, Murdoc seems to jump out of his skin at the sound of his name. A brief look of panic that 2D nearly misses flashes over Murdoc's face before he regains his composure. "Well, err... I needed to... to... take a piss and I couldn't go back to sleep. Were you talking about me? You know I have a sixth sense for that," Murdoc jokes, finally stepping inside. His attention turns to the taller man and his expression falls slightly. "Dents."

Oh, fuck. Just the person 2D wanted to see.

"Muds," 2D acknowledges, his heart racing wildly.

"Didn't think I'd see you this early in the morning. Forget 3 am, this is the real devil's hour, innit?"

He forces a chuckle at Murdoc's quip, gaze still fixed on the can in his own hand. The other man's face was quiet and thoughtful, as if there was something on his mind that he felt he wasn't able to articulate well yet. 2D didn't know if he was going to like what Murdoc had to say.

"Dullard, about last night," Murdoc starts, ignoring the way that 2D stilled and Russel perked up at the mention of 'last night', "With what happened— I've been mulling things over. Perhaps... perhaps we need a fresh start."

"Fresh start?"

"Wipe the slate clean, so to speak. Or scrub it from our memories. Call it whatever you want, the idea's still the same."

2D reels back like he was slapped in the face. He wanted to treat everything that happened yesterday like it didn't mean anything?

"It'll be better if the both of us just move past it," Murdoc proposes, unaware that he'd just touched a nerve. "Clearly, neither of us want to relive our... mistakes. It'll be mutually beneficial if we forget everything and start over. None of it matters, anyways. We should go back to square one. Or as one of my old Mexican acquaintances would say, 'be best amigos' again. You see what I'm getting at?"

 _It doesn't matter._  Every word coming out of Murdoc's mouth was like a stab to 2D's heart. It felt like Murdoc was brushing all of 2D's confessions under a rug. As if that was all they needed to do for their relationship to get better. "Are ya kiddin' me? 'Start over'? 'Go back to square one'?  I don't want that, Murdoc."

Murdoc's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "You don't? Then why'd you push me away when I—" he coughs, cutting himself off when he notices that Russel was still there. "Never mind. My point is, Dents, I'm tired of fightin' with you. And I understand if you want to... forget. It's best if we put aside our differences. We can go back to what we used to—"

"Go back? Back to what? Back to you treating me like crap? Back to you insulting me and beating me every chance you get?" He cuts through Murdoc's words like a knife. 2D's eyes were glistening with unshed tears but he didn't know if it was from anger or hurt."Back to you usin' me like I'm just like one of your goddamn toys?"

Murdoc shakes his head in frustration. "That's not what I mean, just can it for a second and stop putting words in my mouth—"

"Then what _do_  you mean? Pretend everythin' that happened between us didn't happen? Have a bit of originality, Murdoc, we already did all that after _Plastic fucking Beach_ ," 2D interrupts, his fingernails digging into his juice can in an attempt to calm himself down. "It's done nothing 'cept make you feel less like shit for everything you've done to me then!"

Murdoc visibly cringes from 2D's accusations. He shoots a nervous glance at Russel, who hadn't said a word but whose eyes were rapidly flitting from 2D to Murdoc's faces as if he was watching a tennis tournament.

With Murdoc's attention momentarily occupied with Russel, 2D jumps at the chance to escape, mumbling an excuse and turning to leave. All he wanted was to get to his room before the dam burst and he started bawling like one of Murdoc's 'conquests' after getting kicked out of the house. He could feel the pinpricks of tears in his eyes and he was a hair's breadth away from having a telenovela-worthy outburst.

He was  _not_ going to cry over Murdoc. He was _not_.

"2D, where the bloody hell are you going? We _have_ to talk about this!" Murdoc grabs his arm, much in the same way he had grabbed 2D yesterday.

2D's skin burns from Murdoc's touch. "We don't have to talk about anything!" 2D wrenches his wrist away from his grasp, forgetting that there was something still in his hand. The contents of his mostly-full can of juice splashes across the front of Murdoc's shirt, staining it a bright orange.

An awkward silence falls upon the three band members. There's a moment when 2D fully expected Murdoc to berate him for being a klutz; to fall back on his old ways and throw a few punches. At least that Murdoc, he was used to dealing with. Not this unfamiliar Murdoc who seemed so vulnerable and tense while he was talking to 2D.

But what Murdoc did next was worse. Much worse. Instead of losing his temper, Murdoc sags and just drops 2D's wrist, stepping away from him. "Guess I deserved that. I think I manhandled you enough times yesterday." he sighs and wrings out the liquid that had seeped into his shirt. "Maybe we should talk later. I don't think we're getting anywhere when we're both worked up like this."

2D, too stunned by Murdoc's unexpected behavior to protest, only nods and looks away. He takes Murdoc's words as his cue to leave. 2D mechanically walks to the door, not bothering to pick up the snacks he'd left on the table, clean up the spill he made, or even excuse himself from the conversation. Neither of his bandmates stop him from leaving this time.

 _Yep_ , 2D thinks as he retreated to the safety of his room, a strong sense of déjà vu washing over him. _Not brainless._

Definitely just spineless. 

* * *

 

2D's outburst replays like a broken record in his own mind. He doesn't know what's going on with himself anymore. He doesn't know much of _anything_ anymore. The world had turned on its head and ceased to make sense for him. Up is down, left is right, he and Murdoc had just snogged like horny teenagers and even confessed to each other.

It wasn't even the fact that they shared a kiss that shook 2D in the first place, it was the weight of the emotions that came with it. They've done things in the past, but it was nothing more than fooling around. There was always an unspoken agreement that they were nothing more than mistakes made with neither of them in the right mind. That kiss had changed everything.

No, wait. Everything had already changed when Murdoc got himself arrested before 2D was even ready to admit there might be something more to their relationship.

If it wasn't for that, maybe 2D wouldn't have written his goddamn album and got himself in this mess in the first place.

A soft rap on his door interrupts 2D in the middle of his reminiscing. Unsure of who the visitor was, he pauses, neither moving to open the door or saying anything to give away his presence. 2D's heart stops when the person calls out to him in a familiar gravelly voice.

"Dents? You in there? I don't suppose you've calmed down now? Still rarin' to pick a fight with me?"

2D doesn't answer, tiptoeing closer to the door. Definitely Murdoc, if the voice and the heeled boots he can barely see in the crack of his door were any indication.

"I know you're awake, I can see your shadow underneath the damn door." 2D jolts and moves away, still not daring to make a sound.

An agonizingly long pause follows. Murdoc simply sighs and plods away when it became evident that he wasn't going to receive an answer. With the primary source of his confusion and fear now gone, 2D releases the breath he didn't know was holding and sinks to the floor. A million conflicting thoughts race through 2D's mind.

 _Fuck it._  After several long moments, 2D reaches a decision. He leaps up and grabs for the knob, yanking his door open and sprinting off to Murdoc's bedroom.

His bandmate's door is wide open, as if he had been anticipating that someone would drop by. 2D spots Murdoc lying facedown on his bed and his phone in his grasp. He had seemed to have nodded off while listening to his music, his headphones secured over his ears and looking as if he had been using it to completely sequester himself from the outside world.

He takes a moment to appreciate the sleeping form of his bandmate. It isn't often that he gets to see Murdoc with such an unguarded and unhurried expression on his face. It makes him look strangely peaceful and content; two descriptors that he would never have used on Murdoc had the man been awake.

He creeps closer, his curiosity piqued as the sound of his own voice floated up from Murdoc's headphones. He could only be listening to a Gorillaz song. What song is he list—

 Murdoc opens his mouth as soon as 2D was next to the bed. "Took you long enough, dullard. Was beginnin' to think you'd actually prefer rotting in your room over speaking to me," he says, eyes still shut.

"Holy sh—" 2D jerks back in fright. Murdoc cracks an eye open and grins at the other man. "Jesus, Murdoc. How'd you know it was me?" 2D asks, his heart still hammering away in his chest.

"Easy. We're the only two people in the house."

"Russel and Noodle are gone? They left us alone _again_?" Were those two up to something? After a tremendous fuckup of a first attempt, they wanted to do the same thing twice?

"No, I made them leave. They didn't force me to do anything," Murdoc replies calmly. He rolls on his back and takes off his headphones, throwing his phone to the side without so much as a second glance.  "Wasn't too keen on having an audience after the fiasco earlier with Russel."

He sits up and rummages for something underneath his bed. "'Sides. You told me yesterday that you're always the one making an effort. So think of this as me finally getting off my arse and doing something. C'mon, Dents. Sit."

2D nods dumbly, surprised that Murdoc had remembered anything he had said yesterday. He plops down on the edge of Murdoc's bed and fidgets with his hands. With how inexpressive Murdoc was, it was difficult for 2D to find some way to breach the topic. "So... what were you listening to, before you scared the bejeezus out of me?"

"Not important." Murdoc pulls out two bottles of beer, popping the cap off one. 2D wrinkles his nose and refuses when he offers the other to him.

"Relax, I'm sober. Unfortunately." He takes a long pull of his own drink, sitting next to 2D. "Need a shot of some liquid courage to get me through this."

"I just don't think I wanna see you drinkin' while you go ahead and tell me you want to pretend that there's nothing going on between us." 2D states bluntly, trying to ignore the way Murdoc was staring at him.

"I think we had a bit of a misunderstanding here, Dents. I didn't mean pretending that _everything_  that happened between us didn't happen. That's fucking impossible at this point. I'm talking about yesterday. Our little row. What I told you. That... kiss. If it's bothering you so much, let's just put them all behind us."

"What?"

"I mean, you hated it, didn't you?" Murdoc continues, setting his bottle aside. "You thought it was disgusting. That's why you ran away and locked yourself in your room. That's why you couldn't even look me in the eye while I was talking to you this morning. I overstepped, didn't I?"

2D makes a face. He might be a conflicted mess of emotions over Murdoc, but 'disgusted' was nowhere near what he was feeling. "No! No. You didn't. I didn't hate it."

"Why'd you push me away then? Why were you shaking like a leaf after we locked lips? I saw the look on your face. I honestly thought you threw up after you ran out."

"You act like you were the one who kissed me first. I started it, remember?" 2D sighs, staring at the ground. "I was just... scared. My mind went blank. I didn't think—" _That you'd ever want me back. That you would return my feelings._  "—it would ever come to that. We went from ignoring each other to snogging like the world was gonna end that day. It's a pretty big jump. 'Scuse me if I needed a minute to adjust."

"It's been a lot longer than a minute."

"It's a lot to take in," 2D argues uselessly. "You were gone for months and you came back so suddenly, I just got used to havin' you around and then you come in and—"

"Dents, just shut up," Murdoc interrupts, but there's no bite to his voice. "Let's backtrack for a sec. I'm going to ask you a few questions. And I need you to be honest with me. No running away, no bullshit, and no excuses."

2D lifts his eyes up to meet Murdoc's. Takes in his disheveled appearance and the dark circles under his eyes. Notices the resigned and exhausted expression on the other's face. Realizes that Murdoc's been equally conflicted about the entire thing as he was; maybe even more.

"Okay."

"Alright then." Murdoc laces his fingers together and keeps eye contact with 2D. Barely a second passes when he asks the first question. "Were you lying when you said you wrote the album because you missed me?"

"N-no."

"And those songs really were about me?"

2D swallows. "It's as much 'bout you as it is 'bout me."

"So Souk Eye, and Fire Flies, and..."

"Yeah. They're your songs."

Murdoc's mouth twitches at the confirmation, but otherwise maintains a poker face. "Why'd you want to show them to me yesterday? If you didn't even like the fact that they were about me?"

"I don't know. I just felt like I needed to."

Murdoc inches nearer. "Why'd you feel like you needed to?"

"Because it's _your_ album too. There's no point to it if you didn't get to hear my songs." 2D exhales and closes his eyes. In a rare moment of bravery, 2D reaches over and grasps Murdoc's hand. "I think there's something up in my subconscious that's tellin' me I wanted to know what you'd think of it. So I let you listen. I didn't know you already heard the whole album."

"'Course I did. I may whinge and tell the media I hate it, but it's all for show. You know how much they like melodrama. Gotta give 'em what they want," Murdoc replies. His eyes looked oddly shiny and wet." So... everything you told me yesterday, that was real?"

"As real as it could get," 2D says honestly.

Murdoc nods, accepting his answer. He looks down at 2D's hand, still grasping his own, and intertwines their fingers. "Then I'll tell you this too, 2D. You're not the only twit in this room who can't set their feelings straight."

2D tilts his head in confusion.

"Plastic Beach," he clarifies.

2D's eyes widen after the pieces fall into place. "No, wait. That can't be right. We hated each other. You treated me like—" he cuts himself off when he sees Murdoc's guilty expression. He begins again, struggling to reconcile the new information with the beliefs he's held for so many years. "You're telling me, that the album... all those love songs on it were—?"

"I wasn't in a good place that time. I didn't know how to cope with anything, let alone whatever the hell it was we've got going that time," he mumbles, embarrassment and guilt etched on his face. 2D searches Murdoc for any signs of lying, but he finds none. "I know it's too little, too late, but... I'm sorry for making everything go tits up back then, 2D. It's all my fault."

If 2D was a more vengeful man, he would've rejected Murdoc's apology and told him to sod off. If he was more stubborn, he would've demanded Murdoc explain himself. And if he was less of a lovesick, daft fool—yes, he wasn't going to delude himself anymore, he was so far gone for Murdoc that it wasn't even funny— maybe he wouldn't have had such a strong urge to wrap the other man up in a tight embrace and repeatedly tell him that he was forgiven.

2D barely restrains himself from doing just that, instead squeezing his hand reassuringly. "I think... I think we're gonna be alright." Murdoc lifts his head up to look at him quizzically.

"It doesn't excuse what you did, but at least you apologized. Better late than never," 2D says, meeting his stare more solidly and giving him an affectionate smile. "I think I noticed something. We really have a lot in common, yanno? We're two idiots who'd rather run away than deal with feelings. And we put all our bottled-up feelings in our music. I understand it now. And I forgive you for that."

Murdoc's mouth curves upward in a tiny, almost imperceptible smile. "We're really a piece of work, huh?"

"Yeah, we're both dense. Almost like we're made for each other." 2D chuckles. "A perfect match."

"If you start spouting nonsense about destiny or fate I'm gonna take my apology back," Murdoc says. The hopeful expression on his face was downright dazzling to 2D. "You're really too nice for your own good. I don't deserve someone like you."

"You're giving me too much credit. I'm being selfish." 2D leans into Murdoc, close enough that he could feel the other's breath skim over his face. "I wanna keep ya to myself."

Murdoc's eyes travel to 2D's lips. "Can we... can we try this again? No running away or bottling things up. Let's do it for real this time."

"Only if ya promise not to write an album about us if it doesn't work out," 2D chuckles. He reaches up and caresses the other's face, tracing his cheek with his thumb. Murdoc was so close to him that 2D could practically count each and every one of his eyelashes.

"Who am I, Taylor Swift? I conduct myself with utmost propriety, 2D. That level of pettiness is beneath me."

"That's really rich, coming from you."

"Just shut up and kiss me," Murdoc huffs, tiring of their banter. His hands fly to 2D's waist.

"Why don't you—" 2D's retort dies in his throat when Murdoc twists his body toward him. Without warning, Murdoc bridges the short distance between them and gives him a bruising kiss that takes his breath away.

2D squeaks in surprise but recovers almost instantly, hooking both of his arms around Murdoc's neck and pulling their bodies flush against each other. The kiss was so passionate, so filled with unspoken emotion that it was difficult to focus on anything else. It felt like the universe had narrowed down to this specific point in space and time, to this one kiss with Murdoc.

2D nips and sucks at Murdoc's lower lip until the other man opens his mouth just enough for 2D to slip his tongue in. He eagerly explores the other man's mouth, noting how so very uniquely  _Murdoc_ the alcohol-tobacco-spice flavor he tastes is. It's a flavor that he hasn't had enough of for the past twenty years, and it's a flavor he reckons he's never, ever going to get enough of even after living a lifetime.

His scent and taste was invasive yet addictive; the sensation of his hands like fire on 2D's skin. His entire body feels hot and it's like he's having too much of Murdoc and not enough at the same time. Still, he can't help but want to press even closer to the other man.

Murdoc pulls away after a moment, chuckling in response to his enthusiasm. 2D only had a split-second before he's tossed onto the middle of the bed, Murdoc crawling over and trapping him with his thick arms in a pose reminiscent of their "encounter" yesterday. 2D didn't even have time to ask him what he was doing before his lips were captured in yet another fierce kiss. In no time at all, he's wrapping his arms around the other's neck again, threading his fingers in jet-black hair.

He groans in pleasure when Murdoc rolls his hips and grinds their crotches together. The feeling of the other man's half-hard cock against his own sends a bolt of pure lust down his spine. 2D wasn't quite there yet, but the way Murdoc was kissing him and rubbing their denim-clad cocks together was guaranteed to make him pop an erection soon. 2D abandons all restraint and drops his hands down the back of Murdoc's pants, cupping his bare ass.

His bandmate growls, grinding even harder into 2D's crotch. The friction elicits a lower, lewder moan from him. Murdoc moves from kissing 2D to attacking his neck, leaving behind a trail of impressive hickeys and bites all the way down to his collarbone.

2D was so horny that he doesn't even notice that Murdoc's fingers had moved downward, freeing his cock from its denim confines. 2D jerks in surprise as a warm hand wraps around his shaft and begins to pump it.

"Fuck," 2D groans, slumping forward into the crook of Murdoc's shoulder. He shivers as Murdoc's thumb runs over the slit of his cock.  "Keep going Muds, that feels fantastic—"

Murdoc's hand stills. 2D mewls in protest as the other man draws away from him completely, sitting on his haunches and placing his hands on his lap. Murdoc gives 2D a look which could only be described as sheepish.

"Why'd you stop?" 2D demands, propping himself up on his elbow and giving Murdoc an indignant glare. He grabs fistfuls of Murdoc's shirt, trying to pull the other man closer. "C'mon, that's the opposite of what I told you to do!"  
  
"I know, but the last time we were like this, you ran away from me and locked yourself in your room for nearly an entire day. I just wanna know how far you want to take this." Murdoc gives 2D one of his trademark roguish smirks, one that never failed to highlight his devious, devilish personality.

If 2D was anyone else, he'd assume that Murdoc didn't give a rat's ass if they stopped right now, but he knew the other man too well not to miss the flash of uncertainty and apprehension in his eyes. Murdoc was scared; scared that 2D would push him away again and not want him back.

"I wanna take this as far as we can go," he answered honestly.

"I hope that not at all vague and ambiguous reply isn't going to come back and bite me in the arse later."

2D rolls his eyes at Murdoc's. "Just shut up and fuck me," 2D answers, echoing Murdoc's earlier line. He stretches his arms over his head, intentionally riding up his shirt to expose his own pale, milky skin. He suppresses a guffaw when Murdoc inhales sharply and pins his arms in place with a painful grip.

"2D, you'll be the death of me someday." Murdoc's gaze rakes down his body, his eyes so dilated that 2D could barely see his irises. "Be right back." Without missing a beat, he peels himself off of him, slamming the bedroom door closed with his foot and rooting in his drawers frantically as if 2D would change his mind if he wasn't fast enough.

Oh, fuck, they were actually going to go through with this. They've never gone past sucking or tossing each other off, and they've never done it without one of both of them being piss-drunk. 2D sheds off his clothes and lays on his back as naked as the day he was born, fidgeting anxiously as he waits for Murdoc to come back.

Murdoc returns carrying a small bottle, only pausing to gaze at him again. It was enough to get 2D to blush and fold in on himself, so unused to being stared at so reverently. It's a look that feels out of place on Murdoc's face.

"Don't get shy now, 2D. I was staring because you look exquisite," Murdoc coos, crawling on top of him after coating his fingers liberally in lube. Murdoc shucks his pants and discards his shirt with 2D's pile of clothes. "I still can't believe I get to have ya like this."

2D shudders as Murdoc's cold, lubed fingers prod against his entrance. When 2D feels one of Murdoc's fingers breach the outer ring his entrance, his grip on the other's shoulders tightens. Having a finger in his ass felt exactly as strange as he thought, and then some.

"Easy, there, luv." The nickname falls from Murdoc's lips as smoothly as honey. He adds a second finger, stretching 2D with expert care. "I know it feels weird now, but try to ignore it. I won't be sticking my cock up there if you can't even handle this."

"This isn't your first time doing this, isn't it." 2D squirms as Murdoc pushes in a third finger. He phrases his words more like a statement than a question, like it was fact.

"To anal sex or sex with a bloke? The answer's yes to both." Murdoc replies distractedly. His movements slow as he seemingly comes to a realization. "2D, you haven't done this, not with anyone? Not even with Ace, while I was away...?"

"No." He was too busy trying not to recoil from the feeling of Murdoc's fingers to tack on the sarcastic  _Shouldn't that be obvious?_ that came with the rest of his answer. He's thankful he didn't say it, though, because the look of pure satisfaction that passes over Murdoc's face was truly priceless.

His hips buck involuntarily when Murdoc's digits brush against something in him, making him feel a short burst of pleasure that arrived as quickly as it came. It was so different from the earlier unpleasantness that he was momentarily distracted.

His reaction wasn't lost on Murdoc, who only grins in response and withdraws his fingers. He lubes his cock and positions himself between 2D's legs, resting the tip outside 2D's entrance. Gripping his hips tightly, Murdoc begins to slowly push into him.

It _hurts_. 2D's eyes water and grits his teeth as the other man's cock sinks into his hole. How the hell could anyone find this pleasurable? He felt like he was being split in half. Not even the lube could ease the burning he felt from being penetrated.

"Satan, you're so tight," Murdoc croaks after settling inside him completely. It felt like an eternity before 2D could get past the pain, but after it faded there was still an uncomfortable feeling of fullness that made it impossible to focus on anything else. Murdoc had seemed to notice his discomfort, though, because he takes his cock in his hand and starts to stroke him.

"Try to focus on this." Murdoc whispers encouragingly, making short, shallow thrusts into him as he jerked him off.

It still hurt like hell but 2D tries his best to ignore it, relaxing his muscles and focusing on the sensation of the warm hand pumping his cock. Maybe after some time, Murdoc's thrusts might feel almost tolerable—

2D bites back a moan when one of Murdoc's thrusts makes him see stars. The brief moment of pleasure returns, but this time, it lingers. Murdoc pauses for a second, giving 2D an absolutely shit-eating grin, then angles his hips so his thrusts would hit it repeatedly.

"Ngghh—" 2D makes an embarrassingly high-pitched whine as Murdoc started pounding deeper into him. The burn was disappearing, steadily replaced with an intense pleasure that had his toes curling. "Murdoc—"

"That's right, my bluebird, _sing_." Murdoc stops stroking 2D, thrusting into him faster now that it was clear that he wasn't in any pain. Murdoc bends down and licks a stripe up 2D's neck, right where his hickeys were.

"Fuck... Muds..." 2D lolls his head back and doesn't even try to stop the moans that slip out with every thrust Murdoc makes. The other man pulls at his hips, pounding into him even deeper. "You feel so good..."

The delicious friction of Murdoc's cock sliding in and out of him was almost too much for 2D to bear. His own dick was rubbing against Murdoc's bare flesh as the man pounds into his sweet spot with an almost surgical precision. 2D's rendered into a drooling, moaning mess, uttering a series of curses and praises that would've completely embarrassed him if he had been in any other state.

And Murdoc was living for it. With each word from 2D's mouth, he pounds harder into him, purring his approval and mumbling back even more saccharine praises.

2D was in sweet bliss. "God— _haaaaaah_ —Murdoc, I missed you—I love you— I love you so much—" _Fuck, what did he just say?_ 2D clamps his mouth shut, but it was too late to take back what he said.

His words hang heavy in the air. Murdoc's thrusts falter at 2D's impromptu confession; his mouth hangs open in... shock? Disbelief?

"Forget I said anything," 2D says after a pause that lasts just long enough for it to start feeling awkward.

"What did you say?" Murdoc replies after a beat, giving 2D an awestruck, disbelieving look. When 2D doesn't answer, he thrusts into him again, so hard that the bedframe rocks into the wall. "Say it again, _please._ "

Murdoc sounded so desperate that 2D instantly caves and tries to repeat the embarrassing words again."...I-I-I love you?"

He yelps in surprise when Murdoc rams his cock into him as soon as said them. He frantically pounds into 2D like an animal in heat, setting a brutal pace; all semblance of rhythm and restraint gone. Encouraged by Murdoc's newfound enthusiasm, 2D claws at Murdoc's back and continues to scream those three little words over and over again.

"Oh hell, sweet Satan— STUART!" Murdoc shouts, shuddering violently as he filled him with warmth. Before 2D could complain about Murdoc coming in his ass without telling him first, there's a hand around his sensitive cock, tugging only a few times until he topples over the edge too and comes all over their joined bodies.

They lay on the bed, holding the same position for what seems like ages. Murdoc was the one to move first, pressing his forehead to 2D's for a brief moment then disentangling their limbs and retrieving a handkerchief to wipe up the sticky cum all over his chest.

Murdoc was so quiet that 2D wonders nervously what the other man was thinking. But then Murdoc throws the cloth aside and crawls back to 2D, surprising him by curling an arm around his waist and spooning him from behind.

Murdoc had never cuddled with him voluntarily. Not even when the man was at his lowest of lows. 

A comfortable silence falls over them. 2D rolls to the side, his head accidentally landing on the phone that had carelessly been thrown aside by Murdoc. He takes the chance to snatch it and switch it on.

"On Melancholy Hill."

"Hmm?"

"The song you were listening to. Before I walked into your room."

"Mmm... I liked your vocals on that one." Murdoc sounded content as he answers 2D.

2D hums and puts the phone down, his curiosity finally sated. A part of their conversation plays in his head."I liked your lyrics on that one."

"Stuart."

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

* * *

"Stop fidgeting like that, you're making  _me_ nervous."

 2D's lips curve into a pout as they descend the stairs. "I'm not nervous."

Murdoc arches an eyebrow, his hand on the living room door. "You aren't? Well, shit. I am."

He grabs 2D's hand and squeezes it, as if asking for support. Stuart lends him a reassuring smile. Nodding silently, he yanks the door open and strolls into the room in the quintessentially arrogant way that only Murdoc was capable of.

"Good morning, Russ, Noodle. What a fantastic morning, isn't it?" Murdoc loudly exclaims, startling the two people who were already in the room. Russel and Noodle glance up from their seats on the sofa, seemingly engrossed in watching a video. Both of their eyes land on 2D, who was standing right by the door and behind Murdoc.  It takes Noodle and Russ a long moment to understand the implications of them sharing the same space willingly.

" _Finally_. It's about time," Russel says. He doesn't look the least bit surprised to see them together. "I'm glad you guys got over yourselves and made up."

"Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Hard to avoid each other, what with being in the same band and all," 2D remarks, following after Murdoc. He squints when his eyes are suddenly hit with a harsh white light. "Russ, you replaced the bulb?"

"Why the hell would you replace it?" Murdoc complains, shielding his face with his hand. "Turn it off. It's too early in the damn morning for this. I feel like my eyeballs are getting seared."

"There's no pleasing you, is there," Noodle says, not even sparing a glance at Murdoc as she idly taps away at her phone. "You've been complaining about the light in the living room for ages. We fixed it now. You have to admit, this is loads better than having to stumble around at night."

Russel leans back lazily in his seat and eyes them. "Speaking of night, you guys cool now with having band practice tonight? You won't be at each other's throats?" he questions, directing the query more to Murdoc than 2D.

"Me an' Dents have no troubles with each other anymore," Murdoc replies smoothly, slapping 2D on the back hard enough for him to wheeze. "We're as thick as thieves now."

"Really," Noodle says, finally looking at him. She quirks an eyebrow and gives him a mysterious smile. "We can practice the new songs with you now?"

"Yes, he let me listen to that album of his. It isn't half bad." Murdoc snorts and folds his arms across his chest. "I've no problem with it, if that's what you're asking."

Russel was wearing an equally inscrutable smile on his face as he listens to Murdoc's vague answers. Russ and Noodle were both acting... strange.  It makes 2D briefly wonder how much of what had happened between Murdoc and him had been planned out by them, and how much they knew about his and Murdoc's relationship.

But does it really matter, considering the outcome?

The staredown lasts for a small eternity. Murdoc, though towering over the two who were seated, seemed smaller than ever, as if he had been stripped completely bare and made to be evaluated in front of an unsympathetic audience.

Which, when he thought about it, was exactly what was happening now.

To 2D's relief, they both laugh, breaking the tension. Russ smiles more genuinely this time. "You really talked this through, huh."

"Yeah, we talked about it," 2D parrots, not bothering to explain his answer. Noodle and Russ neither needed nor wanted it and 2D feels like it should be a secret best kept between himself and Murdoc. He decides to change the subject. "Anyway, you got room in there for us? What're you two watching before we came in?"

Russel starts to explain away what they were watching, which seemed to be about a music critic's analysis of their latest album. The review was, to him, uncannily accurate. Noodle laughs in agreement, unpausing the video on her phone and urging them to watch. It starts playing a snippet of Fire Flies while the critic comments on the underlying romantic themes of the song.

As their two bandmates move to make space for them on the sofa, Murdoc drapes an arm casually around 2D's shoulder. His touch was devoid of lust or any sexual undertones, just the warmth of easy camaraderie and affection. He's never expected Murdoc to ever be capable of such a gentle touch. It feels like a new beginning. Like Murdoc might actually be able to keep his promise this time.

Maybe his fears were unfounded. Maybe this could work. Murdoc's not the only one who's changed; maybe there's a Stuart 2.0 too. One who's more confident and brash and unafraid to confront things head on. Maybe since they both changed in fundamental ways, there'd be hope in salvaging their relationship. He's willing to try, and he hopes Murdoc is too.

As he's guided to the sofa, one thought plays out in his head.

_They weren't just going to be alright._

_They'll be better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who waited so long to see this fic get completed! I'm truly sorry for disappearing for ages. I hope the conclusion was worth the wait!


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